How to Prepare for a Difficult Conversation at Work: Start with Your Own Emotions
You have prepared your feedback. You know which examples to mention. You have even rehearsed your opening sentence.
Yet before the conversation begins, you are already anticipating defensiveness.
Perhaps your shoulders tighten. You start mentally arguing your case. By the time you sit down, you are preparing to defend yourself as much as to listen.
Preparing for a difficult conversation at work includes noticing what you bring into it emotionally. Here are three practical starting points, organised through my Emotion CPR framework: Creation, Processing and Regulation.
Emotion CPR is my framework for applying research-informed ideas. The studies below examine particular processes; they do not test the framework itself.
1. Creation: Notice what is shaping your reaction
Before the meeting, separate what happened from what you think it means.
Observation: “The report arrived two days after the agreed deadline.”
Interpretation: “They don’t respect my time.”
Your interpretation might be understandable, but it is still something to check. Other factors may influence your reaction: previous missed deadlines, pressure from your manager, or uncertainty about how the conversation will go.
Ask yourself:
What happened that I can describe specifically?
What am I assuming?
What do I still need to understand?
This prepares an opening such as:
“The report arrived on Thursday rather than Tuesday, which delayed our review. Can we discuss what happened?”
You can address the impact while leaving room for information you do not yet have.
2. Processing: Put your feelings into words
Take a moment to describe your emotional experience privately.
“I feel frustrated about the delay and anxious about having to raise it.”
That is more specific than “This person is difficult.”
In laboratory studies, naming emotional content was associated with lower self-reported distress while participants viewed unpleasant images. This supports exploring emotional labelling as a strategy. Lieberman et al., 2011
Putting feelings into words helps us to better understand the message behind these emotions. That allows us to use the most adaptive emotion regulation strategies.
3. Regulation: Choose one response to practise
Give yourself a specific action for a moment you expect to find challenging.
“If I notice myself interrupting, then I will let the person finish and summarise what I heard before responding.”
Or:
“If we begin repeating our positions, then I will return to the specific issue and ask what we can agree on next.”
Notice your delivery too. Are you speaking faster? Is your tone becoming sharper? Use those observations as reminders to adjust your own response.
You do not need to feel completely calm to speak clearly, listen or set a boundary.
Start with a manageable conversation
Choose one action and practise it during an ordinary discussion before relying on it in a high-pressure meeting.
Preparation cannot determine how someone else will respond. It can help you enter the conversation with clearer observations, more awareness of your reactions and a practical next step.
Would your leaders or team benefit from practising these skills together? Explore my Conflict Management and Difficult Conversations workshop, available in English, French and German.
Have an inspiring day ❣️
About the author
Ama Annika Grobecker is an emotion consultant and trainer based in Luxembourg. With over seven years of HR experience and a specialisation developed since 2018, she supports parents, leaders and teams in developing practical emotion regulation and nonverbal communication skills.
Sources
Lieberman, M. D., Inagaki, T. K., Tabibnia, G., & Crockett, M. J. (2011). Subjective responses to emotional stimuli during labeling, reappraisal, and distraction. Emotion, 11(3), 468–480. DOI: 10.1037/a0023503
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